Start the Conversation is not only an excellent book, it is an entire conceptual framework espoused by Ganga Stone that enables us to bring death out into the light of day. This open-hearted way of dealing with death has been practiced by Buddhists and other advanced cultures for many hundreds of years.
We don't need to tell you that in today's media-dominated society, death is covered by countless layers of fear and taboo. This is encouraged by violent and painful depictions of death on TV and countless other fear-mongering areas of our culture...did someone say video games? This completely unnatural portrayal serves the media by keeping people fearful with limited and captive imaginations.
So we stuff death under the living room rug or into the closet, and we spend our lives tiptoeing around it, or tripping over it or trying to pretend it's not there. Where death is concerned, we assume the ostrich position: heads in the sand and bare behinds in the breeze. Dignified pose!
There's a reason for the dread and the denial. We really do believe that death is the end of the line. And if it were, no amount of fear would be excessive...no grief could possibly be sufficient. Truthfully, in nature and to our deepest selves, death is just another part of the wonderful cycle of existence.
Listen, death is a transition. We all survive. Of this I am absolutely sure...(Stone 4)
We aren't going to go into philosophy here. Everyone has his or her own opinion and point of view. Our point is, that if you can start thinking and talking about what death means to you, you might see things that were hidden before. We know that this is difficult. Please realize that we're not asking you to stop having feelings, but to see the value of bringing these feelings out into the open and discussing them.
Start a healthy dialogue. Some initial questions could be: Who dies? Do "I" really die? What part of me could "survive" death? What do the world religions and spiritual traditions really say about death? What is grieving? Why do we grieve? How do our fears influence our viewpoints? Where do these fears come from? What is there to fear?
No one has the "correct" answers to these questions. Most of them bring up deeper questions. It is in the conversation, the opening of our minds and the examination of our deeply held assumptions that we grow. We recommend Stephen Levine's classic, Who Dies, as an excellent introduction to this process. Deepak Chopra also encourages that we start the conversation. He advises us to study the teachings of saints and sages, the experiences of those who have had "near death" experiences, and the "delogs" who have journeyed back from death. See his most enlightening book, Life After Death: The Burden of Proof.
After all, there is not a single one of us who is not going to die, sooner or later. So how to prepare for death, how to undergo the death process with the least trauma, and what comes after death - these are matters of vital importance to every one of us. It would be impractical not to study these issues with the greatest of care and not to develop methods of dealing with death and the dying in a skillful, compassionate and humane way. (Thurman xvii)
According to the Buddhists, the teachings about impermanence and death are the most valued. Death is the elephant in the room, the 800-pound gorilla. It can serve as a constant reminder for you to be mindful; cherishing every moment that you are together with your loved one in this precious life.
